Finding joy amidst the suffering

Dear Friends,

Our minds and hearts are exposed to so much suffering in these times. We see children being killed by bombs, young adults having mental health crises, and carjacking and cancer all over the TV and internet.

Our brains are wired for empathy, which is wonderful. Because we can feel the suffering of others, we have a better sense of how to act in order to reduce their pain. 

I’m not sure our brains were designed to receive the amount of suffering we receive each day. So many of us feel overwhelmed by all we see and hear. Our mirror neurons reflect the suffering we see out there and create suffering within us. 

There’s a name for the experience of being overwhelmed by empathy: empathetic distress. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) define empathetic distress as:

the strong aversive and self-oriented response to the suffering of others, accompanied by the desire to withdraw from a situation in order to protect one's self from excessive negative feelings.

Having empathy for all the suffering can feel like a constant drip, drip, drip of distress that can drown us if we aren’t able to take care of it. 

The Buddhist teachings offer a way that we can find refuge from our empathetic distress: mudita. Mudita is a way of using the same mirror neurons to reflect joy instead of suffering. Mudita is often translated as sympathetic joy, and it’s the joy we can feel when witnessing other people (or beings) experiencing joy. 

Mudita can provide us with islands of happiness in what can feel like a vast ocean of pain. On these islands of mudita, we can catch our breath and restore our hearts, minds, and bodies for our continuing journey toward awakening. To fully experience mudita, we need to be mindful and notice when we see others experiencing joy and then we must let our hearts be there in the moment with their joy.

For example, if we see someone in their car jamming to loud music while stopped at a light, instead of feeling annoyed at the noise, can we instead feel joy remembering times (maybe in our youth) when we listened to music that resonated with our whole being?

There are infinite opportunities for mudita all around us… when we see a parent getting a hug from a reticent teenager, a child savoring a piece of cake, or simply an older person able to take a joyful walk in nature. A cat stretched out in the sunshine, a young couple holding hands, a child meeting their best friend. One of my favorite places to experience mudita is the international arrivals hall at the airport, watching friends and family reuniting.  Any and every joy in the world could be a nourishing moment of joy for you too. 

Mudita can be a wonderful way to balance our growing ability to also see and care about the suffering of others. 

When have you experienced mudita and have you been able to connect to the joy of others to fortify your own heart?