Transforming our habits in the new year
Dear friends,
This time of year we often create “New Year's Resolutions” in order to fix behaviors or areas of our lives we feel aren’t “right.”
I’d like you to consider a different way of looking at the habits that you no longer enjoy.
Start by getting to know one habit and why it is the way it is. What good feeling is this particular habit trying to offer you (even when it misses the mark)? If it weren’t offering you something, you would not be doing it. For example, you might find yourself scrolling social media more often than you like. Looking deeply, you may find that scrolling provides you with a feeling of relaxation, at least at first.
Being gentler with your habit energies (the energies that push you to continue a habit) and offering them more space to express what they need, can already begin to create a shift. We rarely win a direct tug-of-war with our habits (a fact you probably already know).
To start befriending your habits you will need to notice when the habit energy is arising. When you notice the first thought, tightness, or body movement that often leads to acting out your habit, pause. Rather than judging or rejecting yourself, be open to learning something about your deepest needs from your habit.
The other aspect of transforming a habit is to reflect on how you are feeding it. What stories do you tell yourself that contribute to this habit? And how does your life increase or reduce the likelihood of acting on the habit? For example, when I eat chocolate, I often get a migraine headache, so I try not to leave chocolate in places where my habit energy will easily have access to it.
Consider who you spend your time with – are your friends in alignment with how you want to live your life? What else might be contributing to the habits that get in the way of your joy?
Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay) has said:
If we do not master the practice of generating joy and happiness, if we do not know how to handle painful feelings and emotions, we are going to repeat that in the new year.
Our mindfulness practice can help us work with habit energy. Settling into the present moment before rushing to change habits will allow us to more deeply understand ourselves and plan with clearer intentions. Maybe start the year with a list of things that you are grateful for just as they are now - it can be anything from access to clean water to your relationship with a person or pet that you love.
For years I set intentions that were all about making myself a “better person.” While those have been noble pursuits, this year, instead of trying to fix the parts of me that I don’t like, I aspire to notice the moments of joy and happiness that I already have each day. And not just the big events of life but even the subtle movement of my breath, the quiet beating of my heart, and the weight of my boots on the earth.
I’d love to know how you are working with your habits. You can always reach out to me - I love getting your emails!
With love,
annie